idannie

Hiatus

2010-11-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

Whoops sorry about the hiatus. Just tired of complaining about boy troubles. FYI its still the same shit since september except he knows how i truly feel. But i should not let a boy stop me from doing what i do.

I'm thinking of forming a new blog strictly for creative thoughts, work, and the joys that come to our life. Fashion, art, visual orgasms. That sounds like polar opposites from this blog. Sorry for such depressing entries

P.S. if anyone has Tumblr come follow me at http://6ixx.tumblr.com

<3
Dannie.

Holding my tongue.

2010-09-02T00:34:00.000-07:00

Earlier my friend (Mike) felt the need to get something off his chest and was honest with me, telling me how he never had feelings for two people at the same time before. He says we have a connection and our personalities mesh well whereas him and his boyfriend have a personality clash. From what i know this is the 2nd break up they've had so far and now back together again, this time not the boyfriends fault though. But i still wonder how many times it's going to take for him to realize it. In my previous posts i said i'm not waiting for him, it sure feels like it. I did really we suppressing my feelings for him, and i have to suppress them once more. I've never had this strong of feelings for someone before, never thought i'd ever fall for my good friend or someone who's in a relationship.

I purposely held my tongue today in the car because i don't want to confuse him, he's torn as it is and i dont want to make it worse. I love him, and i care a lot about him but first and for most he's my friend so i'm going to be there for when he needs a hand or an ear. I was able to push my feelings aside before, is it possible to do it again and hope it won't occur again to where i'll have to suppress my feelings for the third time? i hope not...i don't know if i should tell him how i feel or not.

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盛夏光年

2010-08-26T12:11:00.001-07:00

Eternal Summer really hits the spot for me, i can relate to it on so many different levels. It just really explains how i feel at the moment, lost, confused, in love or like with my good friend.

Some Good, Some Bad, Some Unknown

2010-07-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

I thought i graduated as of May 2010. Turns out i didn't complete a required class, so it looks like i haven't graduated yet. This class will continue to haunt me until i complete it. I really don't understand why math is such an important class to take when i have already dipped my feet into my work field. Graphic Design and Photography has no need for math so i'm pretty much wasting my time re-taking it even though i do need the class.

I met a new boy that i'm intrigued by. We physically flirt with each other but who knows where that'll take it. At least i have someone new to flirt with for now. I shouldn't think too much into it but i like him.

Searching for jobs is scary and sometimes i feel as though i'm not good enough i need to just plow through that feeling and just try?

My birthday was last week, t'was very fun. Had dinner at cheesecake factory on my actual bday had tons of cake. The next day went to the usual club and maybe had a bit too much to drink, mixing beer + vodka NOT a good thing ended up leaving early. I think a lot of the times i got fucked up was on my birthday. Then Saturday i had dinner with some friends at a French restaurant followed by beer + bowling. As the night went on some of our bowling abilities got better with more beer.

Some people also bitched about not being invited or being uninvited. Theres just too many people to invite now that i dont know who to invite who not to invite. so i just only invited my closest friends and the ones that did respond to my invites. Maybe next year i wont plan my bday events then. So many people flaked i had to change amount of guests on my reservations so many times. All and all t'was fun though.

The Friend

2010-06-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

It was nice to feel that connection with him again, even though it was for that short period of time. At least i know there's still a possibility. Not that i'm waiting for him or anything.

I'm the best he never had

2010-05-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

Just found out today from Mike that he's kinda back with the bf. i figured because the stupid bf can't stop commenting on Mike's status posts, it's vomit inducing! i ended up being the rebound. i just sent him an email giving him my two cents, he wasted my feelings emotions and time, it's time for me to move on. I thought he was actually a good guy but he turned out to be just one of the guys. stupid stupid me, i need to stop, and focus all my attention on art, school, and my future, with or without a partner in crime!

The Talk

2010-05-02T15:21:00.001-07:00

My emotions were going haywire after Friday night at the club, it really messed me up seeing Mike all over Jack. It bothered me for several days 'til I talked to a few friends about the issue. They helped me put things into perspective and i really needed to focus on school first. So I decided to tell Mike how I felt about the events that occurred Friday and he was really understanding.

Me: Did you go on a date with Jack?
Mike: How did you know about that?
Me: I heard someone mention it last time.
Mike: Oh...I went out to dinner with him (blah blah blah)
Me: How was it?
Mike: He turns out to be psycho, even for me lol

Mike

2010-04-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

As we approached Mike's place, i stopped the car and eventually my friend and Mike woke up from their slumber. The friend heads off home, as Mike and I tread up the stairs so I can retrieve my keys. Mike offered me to stay the night if i wanted to, since we had beach plans followed by more clubbing the next day. I was conflicted whether or not I should stay over. I wouldn't have to drive home late, wake up early, pay toll AGAIN. But i'll have my own bed, and my own clothes.

I decided to stay and he exclaimed that he wouldn't do anything to me that night. As i climbed into his bed he asked if we can spoon, and i gave him access to move in closer. He began to wrap his arms around me, as i put my arm on top of his. I couldn't help but feel his body against mine and his breath against my neck as he held me firmly in his arms it felt surreal to be so close to him once again. We ended up kissing later on and continued to spoon through out the night 'til the sun rose from its own slumber.

He's got me on a rollercoaster

2010-04-26T00:53:00.000-07:00

Friday Night at the club left me very confused, as Mike bumped into Jack. I started feeling a bit jealous as Mike was tipsy and hanging on to Jack. One of our friends persistently pushed them two together and i couldn't bear to watch any longer on the sidelines so i did my best to avoid seeing them together. Not only that the music was playing Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart, and some other tracks i can't remember. Hearing songs that related to how i felt or fear made things worse and i felt the rush of emotions building up inside me and tears building up to erupt from my tear ducts. I had to evidently go outside to avoid the music, the heat and the sight of Mike with Jack. Even then i couldn't get him off my mind, knowing he's MIA with Jack made me sad during the latter part of the night.

I know we can't fully be affectionate towards each other knowing we have mutual friends as well as with his ex. I still can't help to feel jealous in the fact that he's so upfront with his actions with Jack, and not with me. Maybe it's all in my head, but most of the time i can read people's actions really well. I might be blinded by my like towards Mike. I don't want to be his rebound, i want to eventually be his partner in crime.

I ended up driving a friend's car since him and Mike were still tipsy. I couldn't help but glance in the rear view mirror and seeing him on his iphone then later knocked out in the backseat.

To Be Continued...

I bruised my knees for him

2010-04-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

I never thought i'd be one to fall for a friend, then after a group trip to the snow we'll call him Mike, tells me he has developed feelings for me. Which seems fine right? The thing is he has a boyfriend. Out of respect for my friendship with Mike and his relationship i never said anything until he told me how he felt.

Somehow things started falling into place in my favor. I found out Mike had broken up with his boyfriend. After some relaxation at the park and some special truffles (my first time) we end up at our friends place after feeling the downside of it. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing for a little bit until one of the more sober ones came in to check on me. Later on, after we ate at the table Mike confessed that he likes Jack, i didn't respond to his confession. The four of us ended up on the sober friend's bed and we snuggled against each other. I couldn't help but smile knowing i was the one with my arms around Mike.

While the event allowed me and Mike to get closer, i have a hunch that nothing else will occur. Let's just say a social network told me something I probably didn't want to find out.

Just when I thought something good will finally happen, it might be taken away in an instant. So much badluck this year.

Being Shy

2010-04-11T15:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes i wonder why i let my shyness take over and stop me from doing something. Then afterwards i kind of regret not going forth and overcoming it.

Yesterday at a house warming two guys were interested in me, but my shyness overcame my mind and i was scared to even just sit down and get to know them. Which in their point of view it can seem as though i’m not interested, rejected.

I think I need to try harder to overcome this shyness and go forth on endeavors that send my shy signals up the roof.

I left my heart in LA

2010-04-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

Looks like i've been busy and i really have been. Spring break was last week i got an early start and boarded a plane to LA for a week. It was a nice change of scenery and people. When i was there i couldn't believe i was there probably because the flight was only an hour. It was exciting for me since it's the first time in a long time since i've flown on a plane as well as going on a trip alone.

I wish i was able to leave my troubles behind but i ended up bringing it with me. My laptop gave out on me, adobe died as well. I finally just did a clean install of my OS system and now Adobe works again and i havn't worked on my project at all. I'm ready for May to come so i can graduate and get things started.

Self Branding logo concepts.

2010-03-13T22:43:00.000-08:00

I would love to hear which logo people prefer and/or feedback on them. Thanks in advance.

Somewhere i have never travelled

2010-02-27T01:56:00.000-08:00

by E.E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Whats new?

2010-01-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

It's 2010 lol, winter break is finally over. My sleep schedule is so out of wack, i became a vamp staying up 'til 5 am every night watching true blood. Such a great show, i can't wait for season 3 to come in june.

Went snowboarding last weekend. It was really fun, it was snowing during that weekend too so it was nice and powdery. Made for a few great runs down the bunny slopes. I definitely improved a bit more than the first time i went 2 years ago.

I went to my second Underworld. I didn't think i would go clubbing in my underwear again, but i did. It was pretty fun, despite the music sounding like the same thing playing on repeat. So this is how go go dancers feel like dancing in their underwear on platforms minus getting paid and groped. Along with a thick layer of sweat ewww! it was really hot in there and not because there was hot guys there. There weren't really that many anyways.

Now back to the dreariness of school, oh how i don't miss you. I have an 830 class and now i am reminded of how much i hate morning classes. My brain doesn't jump start until about 10:30 am.

2010-01-20T22:17:00.001-08:00

You once told me that you’re a private person especially when it comes to sex. But how can i believe you when everything that comes out of your mouth is how big your shit is. Is that all you have to brag about? Seems like it. I’m glad it’s over.

Up in the Air

2009-12-30T20:55:00.000-08:00

Seeing 'Up in the Air' was probably a bad idea, now i'm feeling emo. The movie is actually inspiring to set out for your dreams but towards the end whats the point of going for your dreams when you have no one to share it with. Now a great post break up movie to see, unless you want to cry your eyes out. Which doesn't work for me, because i have no tears.

Little less confusion

2009-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

The boy broke it off, so i'm no longer confused about where our relationship was going, in a way i'm relieved but a bit sad. The New Year can't come at a better time, it's time to start off fresh.

Grades

2009-12-22T14:04:00.000-08:00

I am so pissed! i don't think my grade for Art History is correct, after all she did email me about not receiving sufficient papers from me, she never even responded back. I just shot her another email asking if she received my emails with the actual points i received on ALL four papers including a soft copy of my fifth paper.

i was up all night...

2009-12-22T01:54:00.001-08:00

didn’t sleep until 7:30 this morning. I went to see the boy and we talked and resolved the issue. We are still dating. Then we headed over to our friends ugly sweater christmas party, we kept the party going well into the morning, 4:30 to be exact. After dropping everyone off, went to pick up the boy’s luggage and i dropped him off at the airport and got home to finally meet my bed.

Gurl Fight?

2009-12-19T15:26:00.001-08:00

I broke it off with the boy last night. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. But i'm really confused as to what occurred last night while i was not there. Apparently some other stuff went down and the boy is currently going through a lot now with a combination of me and other drama. Even if i did break it off with him, i still care about him. But he doesn't want to talk to me, at least not yet, he's also too far for me to just drive their on a whim as "romantic" as that sounds. Just hope his judgement of me is not clouded from whatever went down last night. Since the group already knows the other person's past history.

Day N' Nite

2009-12-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

Blurry, but here’s my piece i just put up in the gallery today. It’s 8 abstract images i shot using a dslr, while leaving the shutter open. They’re hanging from fishing line so it can look like it’s floating.

Liebe Luftballon

2009-11-27T00:14:00.001-08:00

Liebe Luftballon from darny x on Vimeo.

Here's a story i created about a girl and a balloon. Enjoy

2009-11-19T21:55:00.001-08:00

Today during class my teacher dug herself into a ditch and she tried to redeem herself. We were discussing color choices for the poster design for our upcoming image exhibition. Someone suggested rainbow colors, and she went off and said "yea, and we can call it the queer image exhibition." After she said that she realized what she said and tried to save herself. She obviously failed and it pissed me off.

Daul Kim found dead in Paris

2009-11-19T14:32:00.000-08:00

Daul Kim was found dead in her Paris apartment this morning, apparently from suicide.

R.I.P.

Click image to see more of her work.
Credit: http://asianmodelsblog.blogspot.com/
Daul's blog http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com

boy boy

2009-11-18T19:46:00.001-08:00

These past few weeks have been pretty busy or eventful as of late. I've been hanging out with a new group of people and it's a nice change of pace of my once uneventful life, but i now find myself constantly broke.

On top of that, i met a boy through the group and we've been taking for about 3 weeks now. We both seem to be in to each other and want to get to know more of each other and see where this goes. I also like the pace we're going at, it's nice and slow, unlike the other past relationships where everything went by so quickly.

I don't know how everything will work out, because he lives in San Francisco and I live in the easy bay. so i'll be doing a lot of driving. I guess if i really like him and want to see him the drive won't be an issue.

2009-11-11T22:48:00.001-08:00

i'm definitely looking too deep into things.

curse of one word responses

2009-11-11T12:54:00.001-08:00

i feel as though i'm getting mixed signals from this guy because of his one worded responses

for example, through texts:

me: i'm leaving now.
him: okay.
me: see you soon.
him: okay.

today:

me: are you going to (event) tomorrow?
him: ya
me: i might go
him: cool

maybe i'm just looking into it way too much.

exhibition FAIL

2009-10-22T23:03:00.001-07:00

The piece is titled 'Army of Ants' our assignment was to create a visual pun using our chosen words. A group of ants is called an Army of ants, but what if these ants were in the navy, would they still be called an army of ants or will they be a navy of ants? I purposely mixed the fabrics together to make the ants pop and have a rugged look as well as a cute animated feel to them.

Found fabrics were used, hand/machine sewing was involved, and stuffed animals were harmed for their stuffing in the process of creating this piece.

I feel as though some of my friends failed me, i wasted my time sending out personalized text messages to my friends about the reception of my group art show i was part of to no avail either i got no responses or no show ups. I'm really glad for the few that did come though. I know some of them had other plans or have told me before hand that they weren't able to make it. Friends definitely do come and go i'll live and let go.

doing this art show definitely shows me that i really don't do work for anyone but myself. it would be really nice to showcase my work but putting so much work into it and not get any recognition from it doesn't help at all.

The school paper ran an article about our show and my piece made the front page as a headline to the article inside the newspaper, at least something good came out of it. Though my piece wasn't even mentioned in the article.

thanks to those who did make it to the show or have gone to see it while it was still up. I'm tearing the gallery down tomorrow.

heart (un)breaker 2

2009-10-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

It's been several days since the guy i dated recently messaged me. So yesterday i thought i'd just say hi, thats when he asked me if i was still interested in us? I honestly told him that i didn't really feel a connection with him, and he was really mature about it. So i guess we're just friends now with no hard feelings.

I'm happy though, at least he was mature enough to handle it like an adult rather than create drama out of no where. I didn't want to be an ass and just stop talking to him, i would want someone to break it to me...even if it might hurt, i need to hear it so i can attempt to move forward from it.

Alexander McQueen S/S 2010

2009-10-16T01:30:00.000-07:00

Such an amazing show! i felt like i was on another planet. i so love the shoes, and the girls walked pretty effortlessly in them too. Just beautiful!!

part 1

part 2 | part 3 | finale

NOTE: in part 2, somewhere in the middle a dog or cat makes a sound. it scared the shit out of me.

heart breaker

2009-10-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

I met a guy off the internet and we've gone on two dates so far. The first date was really casual, i picked him up from BART and we went to starbucks to talk and got to know each other. Then we walked around downtown and played on the swings at a nearby park. he asked me if he could kiss me, which was sweet of him. but what kinda turned me off then was that his lips were chapped. after kissing me my lip balm wore off on his lips. At least his lips aren't chapped anymore.

He's big on making out, and i found it weird to be making out with him, i didn't like it.

The second date, i took BART up to San Francisco and we met up downtown after he got off work. We proceeded to take the bus towards Japan Town. We walked around went to a few stores and had sushi for dinner. We split the bill...which quickly tells me how things will be like in the future if there was going to be one.

I think i tried testing him to see how he'll react. By telling him about my problems and my flaws, but he didn't run away at all.

The next day he wanted to hang out again, so i went over to his place. we hung out in his room which he shared with his sister which threw me off completely and extremely awkward when we're cuddling and kissing while she's in the room. I ended up staying the night and i was not able to sleep at all. His bed was uncomfortable, the fan was on and he was kinda snoring.

he texts me everyday and i'm starting to feel smothered and annoyed lol

I definitely don't think it's the right time for me to be dating since school is so busy. Another thing is him being so clingy, i feel like he's becoming attached and falling for me way too fast. I think i need to end it soon.

Scratch that

2009-10-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Just completely ignore my previous post on Halloween costumes, i just thought of a new one the other day and i'm excited. It's cheap and i can wear it any other day...well not as an entire outfit.

But i'm planning on being a washed up Mickey Mouse Club member. The outfit will consist of mickey mouse ears, my fake nerdy glasses, short sleeve button up, bowtie, possibly suspenders, semi short shorts, knee high tube socks, and either my chucks or my hi-tops.

**photo credits belong to google, or if anyone specific, let me know, thanks

Halloween

2009-10-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Halloween is coming up and i have about 3 costume ideas...i just can't figure out which one i want to be.

1) Donnie Darko
i think donnie's costume is too simple and the only people who will get it is people who love the movie. He wears a simple skeleton jumpsuit with a pair of chucks and a grey hoodie over it. it's fairly cheap though.

2) Paulie Bleeker
Paulie Bleeker on the other hand, i'll have to buy the socks, shorts, shirt, wrist/head bands and it'll be about $30. Quite expensive.

3) Max the wolf from Where the Wild Things Are
The Max costume will definitely be really time consuming, i don't think it'll be expensive just that i don't know how to sew with a machine, so either i'll have my aunt help me or i'll hand sew the entire thing...it's a death wish for sure. But it's really cute. A furry jump suit with a hood and ears, finger-less gloves and a tail. Plus whiskers and a gold crown.

what do you guys think?

good things never last

2009-09-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

I hung out with a guy today, he seemed cute so i gave it a shot. He's actually one of the few guys that kept their word when he said he'll prepare food for me. He picked me up at the train station and the food really was prepared. It's a nice change of the douchebag guy's i've been meeting. We ate and then cuddled up on his bed and watched 'The Haunting' which wasn't as scary as i thought but it was really weird. I have a feeling i won't hear from him again, he's also gemini arghh...i don't trust gemini's hahah.

the one day

2009-09-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to a friend's boyfriend's birthday gathering, being a filipino party there was definitely loads of food stocked up for the entire night and extra for take out. Filipino's really know how to have fun and party...maybe thats why they have so many parties to attend.

the one thing i notice with the filipino people i've met is that they are very committed to their partners. one guy we were talking to said before his boyfriend of 10 years, he was straight/bi and had a girlfriend of four years and even tried to have a baby together, how crazy that must be.

i kinda feel like they're lucky to have met someone they want to spend their life with...and i hope i'll find someone like that too.

it's cool to act ghetto

2009-08-31T21:33:00.001-07:00

People who know me know that i generally hate people. i say that because looking back on the past, i've encountered many many bullies and mean people in my life. my cousins and my sister have been mean to me, first grade, 4th grade, 6th grade, middle school, and high school i've had to deal with someone being a bitch to me.

As i was walking towards my car after class, there was two middle school looking ghetto boys, one was on his bike, the other was walking, and i see the boy on the bike mugging me and as i walked by he said something in that ghetto deep tone, and his friend started to laugh. i didn't care to look back nor say anything because i couldn't even understand what he said.

but it annoyed me because i'm wondering why he chose me to be the victim of his "cool-ness." is it because i'm asian? and short? maybe...

i really wanna just drop him off in the ghetto and see how cool and ghetto they'll act then.

i should have hit him off his bike.

PSA - texting while driving

2009-08-29T12:00:00.001-07:00

Be still my heart

2009-08-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had to say goodbye to someone
despite how you felt about them?

I never really knew how hard it would be to do so. Feelings for them still linger but honestly they're not good for me. I have no idea why i kept up with them for so long, since I was a necessity to them. It was a one way street kind of relationship, where I was the only one who was stupid enough to fall for them. Even if they seem to be happy to be with you or based on the things they say. Seems like they're very skilled with their words to get what they want.

It is so much easier to just stop talking to someone and let this relationship die off on its own, rather then having to say goodbye to them. I woke up with a heavy feeling this morning, as if someone close to me had died. So i'm glad that school is starting next week, at least i'll have more important things to occupy my mind.

Until then...I will remain on the sidelines and continue admiring the boys from afar.

Sara Bareilles - Gravity

Love of Siam OST - Gun Lae Gun (Together)

I'm pmsing

2009-08-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to just not talk to someone for awhile and then start to not care about them but right when they message you out of the blue, everything starts going back to the norm. my emotions is going up and down like a rollercoaster, but it feels really good to weed out the bad guys. it's hard because i have grown to like them and care for them but it's only a one way street.

from past history, i'm learning not to trust what people say to me. well, boys for that matter because a lot of them never follow through. so until their words are proven by their actions, i won't trust anyone.

i'm wet

2009-08-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

So here i am writing this entry all sweaty lol. I just finished a 1.8 mile short burst sprint/walk in 27 minutes. I start off by sprinting until i'm tired then i walk until i catch my breath and repeat it over and over until i get back home exactly 1.8 miles. It seems to be working fairly well, my calves are showing some definition, i hope it's working my quads as well.

i think it's been about 3 weeks now since i've been trying this. running outside really is harder than running on a treadmill. i was totally winded the first time in a long time when i went out to run.

Boys Boys Boys

2009-08-13T01:33:00.000-07:00

Boys are trouble, i think it's best if i just stay on the sidelines for awhile and just observe how cute they are from a distance and leave it at that. It's been awhile since i last talked to the boy i feel as though i am only a necessity to him. I texted him a while back and never got any responses, i'm at the point where i don't really care anymore. i wish his move to LA would be in September like it was planned, but he's moving in October instead.

Luu's entry about a boy reminded me of a cute boy that i saw every morning for six weeks on my way to my summer class. I never had any reason or courage to just go up to the front desk and talk to him. But a week before class ended i really did have a question to ask him, but i ended up looking stupid because of my drying contacts and the fact that i lost my train of thought in the process.

Me: hi
Him: hello
Me: how do i uhhh....

(my contacts were drying so i was rubbing my eye, and probably looked stupid while doing so)

Me: transfer my units to another school?
Him: you need to fill out a request form for a transcript.
Me: oh...okay, thanks.

The next few days i tried to just make eye contact with him but it never worked. So i no longer see cute boy, and when i did have an encounter with him i looked stupid hahha

Happy Birthday...Part 2

2009-08-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

The 2nd part of my birthday was pretty eventful. We stayed at Highlands Resort in Guerneville. It's a gay friendly resort that had camp sites and cabins, with nude jacuzzi and sun batheing for the brave.

We went to our first underwear for July 4th.

Nearby was a national park, so we took a long hike through the red wood trees. We were definitely unprepared for this trip. We didn't bring the proper clothing and forgot some important things that luckily we didn't really need to survive. The only shoes i had was my sperry top sider boat shoes. So i ended up hiking through the forest in boat shoes lol. I looked ridiculous with my jeans tucked into them so my bare feet was not exposed to all the bugs.

It's so peaceful and untouched by man. Well besides the trails and barricades.

Life, Love, Hope & Meat that pretty much sums it all up.

It took us about an hour to finish the hike and my boat shoes held up to the challenging slopes.

On our way back home from the trip we stopped by a nearby beach...the warning sign of dog crap is just straight to the point

it's complicated

2009-08-06T01:33:00.000-07:00

So i'm still talking and hanging out with The Boy. I don't even know where we stand..i consider it complicated because we get pretty affectionate when we're together.

I'm just learning a lot in this complicated relationship thing...i can get pretty clingy, paranoid and a worry wart. So despite this hectic...so-called relationship...i am learning...to be a better future partner hahah.

What I Wore Today: 073109

2009-08-01T01:24:00.000-07:00

Whitesox baseball cap
Obey Graphic T
Asos Chinos
Onitsuka Tiger by Asics sneakers
Fred Flare Japanese Talking Watch
Beaded Bracelet from a Buddhist Temple

Happy Birthday...Part 1

2009-07-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

My birthday was a couple weeks ago. I feel as though as each year goes by...my birthday is not all that special anymore. But i still enjoy spending it with my friends and hanging out as if it was a typical day...except sometimes i get some special treatments, such as...not having to pay for dinner, and people are nice to me...lol not that people are mean to me on a daily basis. I'm 23 now, i can't wait to get a few years older though...i'm anticipating what my life will be like in the next few years.

I had work on my birthday but my boss wanted to have a company luncheon at Sonoma Chicken Coop...He surprised me with a birthday card. I guess it was a company lunch for my birthday? No idea. Then After work I hung around until it was time to meet up for dinner at the Original Krung Thai. Not the New Krung Thai which some people went to instead. It was just a nice chill dinner like how i prefer it to be followed by some delicious frozen yogurt afterwards.

On Rotation: Clazziquai is Mucho Punk

2009-07-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

- Snagged from google.

After Thwany and Letopho has put in their 2 cents, i thought i should also say that their album is so good! I usually only find two or three songs off an album worthy of my ears but its so good and i've been listening to this album for about 2 weeks now and their entire album is worth the listen. It definitely keeps me calm and awake during my commutes to and from school.

I love Horan's new look. She's super chic with that short bob. Alex is lookin good as aways!

thrift store findings

2009-07-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

On a positive note, after class i went to Cross Roads to check out their stuff and i ended up using my store credit to get a pair of black Levis' 510 Super Skinnies. It fit great, since my 511 don't really fit me like skinnies should fit. I'm always happy when i find something good at recycled/thrift shops it feels as though i put in some work to find the item of clothing. Plus i got it for half the retail price.

Tidbits...

2009-07-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

We (The boy) had made plans to hang out yesterday. But after he got off work he cancelled on me. I was pissed off but at the same time i did understand his reason or excuse because his friend told him last minute that she was in town for work, and it was her last day. I waited for two hours after i got off work...so i felt as though my time was wasted. Driving home and coming back was not a plan because i do enough commuting as it is. I was pissed, and he apologized several times, but i'm over it now.

I seem to do a lot of waiting and it's starting to get to me.

A second chance...

2009-07-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

I can think of hanging out with The Boy as a second chance. I feel as though we have connected so fast and so well that I would seem infatuated with him. Which is why i am glad I've been given a second chance, because seeing him the other day and what we've talked about is also helping me move on and understanding how we wouldn't have a good relationship at all.

He doesn't like kissing...if anything it's just a small kiss on the lips. I think that would bother me a lot.

But there are more pros than there are cons

Pros: Cute, funny, Similar taste in movies, likes to cuddle, likes food.

Cons: no make out sessions.

hmmm.......

So would a strong connection with someone overlook the small cons? I now understand how some people despite seeming as though they're in a good relationship, can be affected by the little things.

The reunion

2009-07-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I hung out with The Boy who I havn't spoken to or seen since September of Last year when we stopped dating. I happened to walk by his store in the mall, and there he was working in the front window. It felt like a scene from a movie, where two people happen to catch each other's eye within a few seconds, and it's over instantly. As I walked by, I waved at him not knowing if he would recognize me or wave back.

He texts me later on...
Him: Was that you who walked by my store?
Me: Yea it was me...
Him: Why didn't you stop by and say hi?
Me: I don't know...not sure if you wanted to see me or not.
Him: Of course I do.
Me: Oh, well i'll stop by next time i'm at the mall then.

As stated, the next time I went to the mall, I went in to his store to visit him. I was nervous and didn't know what to say besides the usual "hello" and "how are you doing?"

We began texting each other here and there, when I found out he broke up with his boyfriend...

Recently I mentioned that we should hang out sometime and get some Pho, because I knew it was his favorite and I havn't had it in awhile.

Fast forward to Wednesday...

I followed him to the Pho restaurant. Where we caught up on a lot of things that have occured within the year we lost touch.
From our future plans, what we've been up to since we last talked and whatever else that came to mind.

After dinner we went back to his place. We snuggled up in his twin sized bed, got comfortable in each others arms and watched 'Sex & The City: The Movie," which was really good. It felt as though we picked up where we left off in September. We cuddled, held hands and had small talk in between the movie.

I feel a great connection with him, and I know he's a really genuine guy. Even though we'll only be friends, i'll have to enjoy our time together while it lasts before he moves in 2 months.

I really missed him...because he was a good guy, and we connected really well. He just has the ability to make me smile and laugh.

Scavenger Hunt

2009-07-12T23:24:00.000-07:00

Via Amazon

When my mentor mentioned these Merona Rocca BROWN WingTips on clearance at Target for 19.98/13.98, I knew I had to try and find me a pair. Wingtips usually run about $140 to $200 a pair for a good pair. I searched through three targets last week with no luck in finding me a pair of these in a 7. Until I decided to try two more targets today, low and behold i found a pair at the first target I went to. I felt like a found the winning prize in a scavenger hunt, it felt unreal. I tried them on and they fit pretty good, theres about half an inch of extra room. I just hope I don't look like i'm wearing clown shoes.

I went to another Target to see if they had another pair, but no luck. I'm ready to take these out for a day or night out, sockless of course! since summer is taking over, i can't remember the last time i've worn socks with my shoes.

SF Pride

2009-07-11T20:09:00.001-07:00

Pride this year felt really empty and uneventful despite having so much to do in the city around us...me and my friend were not able to enjoy it as much as we'd like to. Issues revolving around one friend ruined the weekend.

The Pink party was the first on our list, we ended up arriving way to early, the sun was still out, and me and my friend was stranded for the whole night. We stood in the middle of the street looking lost for two hours before we decided to grab some dinner and just chill at the hotel for the rest of the night.

We missed about an hour of the parade but it still went on for another two hours or so. We got bored and headed towards the civic center for the festivities.

The trio was supposed to dress up this year for pride, short shorts, knee high socks, and a baseball style Tee. Only two of us dressed up, because one of them flaked on us, and ditched us for his boyfriend. It was a waste of time running around with him trying to find his outfit, and he doesn't even wear it! But it was fun to dress up this year. We didn't really see much of anything besides aimlessly walking around, and sitting down for half the time in the grass. Didn't get to see or say hi to people i was expecting to see there. This year just wasn't as fun as the previous years.

“Missy gave me crabs!”

"Don't feel bad...i've got crabs too!"

“How did my friends convince me to share 2 lobsters with 3 people!”

Later that night, we had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack at the Pier. Everyone ordered a pot of sea food, while I ordered a breaded shrimp sandwich thing. They all got bibs, with silly messages on them written by our waitress. I was sad because i didn't get one myself, so i substituted one by using a napkin. The staff danced about every two hours just to heighten our experience as people dove into their food. They did a combination of the disco, some charlie brown, stomping around and spinning in circles.

my friend talking about his car mods...

2009-06-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

i gave it the wrong gas today

didnt realize it until i got home and looked at the receipt

i'm, such a dumbo

no wonder it felt so damn sluggish

i already gave it some implants ( a thicker sway bar)

when i think about it, i've upgraded it a lot

i gave her some new contacts (HIDS)

bought her a new bra (new underbrace)

widened up her anus (larger uncatted test pipe)

gave her a nose job so she could breathe better (intake)

and got her a body guard (my alarm)

i don't have DSL

2009-06-25T21:55:00.002-07:00

Something occurred yesterday while i went to move my car while i was at work.

A guy across the street, called out to me, did the usual introductions, and shook hands.
He then asked me for money, which i denied of having. Then...he had the nerve to say...

"I bet you can put those lips to good use, i have a big dick."
I replied back with "uhhh....no." and began walking towards my car.

Who does that to someone they dont even know, seriously? people are major douches.

i burnt my thumbs while trying to move my car, due to the hot hot steering wheel under the hot hot sun :[

Douchebag Hair

2009-06-20T23:15:00.000-07:00

I know i've been victim of having douchebag hair myself. But when i saw this girl at the mall in San Francisco...my jaw dropped a little, and i might've even had the OMG face. I asked my friend to take that picture for me on her phone. Credit goes to popcoma.

Details Magazine's definition of douchebag hair might be a little different than how i interpret it...but they consider the "faux-hawks, carefully rendered spikes, grossly asymmetrical parts, tinted tips, and meticulously messed-up bed-heads makes it clear that we are living in the era of douchebag hair."

I just think there should be a limit to what you put your hair through. I bet it must've taken her an hour or two...to burn it with a hair straightener, than mold it into it's shape with thick gooey stiffening hair product that takes forever to get out in the shower.

I wish i got a photo of her from the front. But her hair kinda looked like one of Cher's hairstyles, but at least her's was a wig.
- if this photo belongs to you please let me know so i can properly credit you.

insomniac

2009-06-12T01:39:00.001-07:00

I'm really frustrated with the lack of sleep i've been getting. i used to be able to lay in bed watch some tv and call it a night. lately...it hasn't been the case. I think my body is being aware of the fact that my sister gets off late from work, causes all this commotion with no consideration of the fact that it's 1 a.m. and than talks to my aunt through the wee hours of the night or morning.

it's been over a week now that i havn't been able to sleep at my usual 12 a.m. bed time. i've brought the issue up to them before, and they just think i'm a complete self centered bitch who can't understand. when they're the ones who have no consideration for the fact that i'm trying to sleep, and whenever they want me to be quiet, i am very good at it. so thats why i'm frustrated because i'm considerate of others, but they're defnitely not.

Occasionally i like to purposely give them a taste of their own medicine, but then they get pissed off at me for doing it. so they should understand why i would be mad too right? nope. this is a constant cycle of repetitive annoyance.

and this is why i am so good at being a cold heartless bitch because of the people i have dealt with, thank you much!
oh, but i am also nice, to those deserving of it that is :]

i really hate bitching on a blog. but i just had to get this out.

belly full of summer

2009-06-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

Summer has barely started and it's starting to get busy.

This whole weekend i was in san jose, just hanging out with friend's and helping them move out. I hope we still hang out sometime...they're all leaving me since they've graduated already.

Then it was my friend's graduation, i gave him a candi lei, and watched him become a RN. Afterwards it was party time at his place, lots of drinking (not me of course) and hanging out.

On Saturday i got the call i've been waiting for. I got the internship yay!!! so i'll be pretty busy this summer with an internship, summer school and hanging with my boys.

In the next few weeks, San Jose Pride, San Francisco Pride, My Birthday Camping trip, more birthday's and parties to attend. I can't wait for all the outings i'll be attending.

some random

2009-05-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

A cluster of things that happened...

I'm done with finals yay! I check my grades on thursday.

It's frustrating trying to make plans to hang out with friends, and they flake or don't respond.

I had a job interview at a design firm for possible internship or freelance gigs. He said he'll call by friday, it's sunday. I think i failed. =/

Yesterday was two of my friend's graduations. I feel bad because i didn't go.

I'm more than unfriendly

2009-05-14T18:33:00.001-07:00

On top of being unfriendly i talk slow too, don't forget this! i also speak monotone, add that to the books people. it's not the first time someone's told me that. Don't people know, that if they have NOTHING nice to say, don't even bother? This is why i'm unfriendly, because i don't like people. I don't like people who think they have the right to make it apparent of someone's speech, skin issue, and whatever else that can be up in the air. So yes, i don't like people because i've dealt with negativity too much, to even care what people have to say to me, which is why i'm shy, which is why i don't talk much, i'd much prefer it that way so i don't have to deal with stupid people.

I'm not butt hurt over it, i'm just spilling out what i think right now. This will add another layer to my already built wall, thank you :]

I'm Unfriendly

2009-05-12T12:49:00.001-07:00

The other day while i was out with my friends at a bar, some guy came up to talk to my friend who were then introduced to me. As we shook hands he gave me a weird look, and squeezed my hand harder, which triggered me to squeeze harder too. As he was talking to my friend, he kept giving me weird looks.

After the guy left, my friend said he thought i was unfriendly. It made me wonder how i act when i first meet people, and maybe my shyness and fear of people come across more than i've thought. So maybe i should try being more "friendly" towards people. Funny how one encounter can change your actions.

But the one thing i can't do is be able to mingle and talk to people i don't know. I wouldn't know what to say or bring up into a conversation, instead there's silence and the end of a meeting.

Whiteboy

2009-05-07T21:57:00.000-07:00

I hung out with white boy today, nothing's changed. Only this time he asked me to do him a huge favor and take him to pick his car up in the city. I have no idea why i did it, i suppose i'm too nice for my own good.

Before he got out of my car, he said i can just leave or wait for him, so i said i'll just follow him.
He got out, slammed my door shut and walked away without saying thank you or any sort of gesture, i would certainly thank someone who did them a favor.

After a few minutes, i texted him and told him i was leaving. Hopefully as i drove away, i also left my feelings behind.

Why is it that i'm always after unrequited love, as J.T. has said.

Season's change

2009-05-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

there's a part of me that always feels lonely and longing to have someone. But it gets worse when comes the busiest time with school, and maybe the nice spring/summer weather coming. I don't know why, but possibly because i was born in the summer, maybe thats when my heart starts fluttering its wings faster than it normally does.

I noticed that whenever i do date someone or a relationship forms, summer lovin' is what i have, which ends when august/September comes around. Only once was it never just a summer love.

Like Letopho said about liking someone who's straight, in the closet, or someone who doesnt even feel the same way about you, i should stop it and not let this happen again. Kinda hard to do so, but maybe i'll start liking someone who's more worthy of my time and feelings later on, as of now, i'll most likely continue liking someone who doesn't return the favor back, to keep myself busy on top of going to school :]

MIA

2009-05-07T00:35:00.000-07:00

Just thought i'd post here, just so you know i'm still alive, just busy with school since it is winding down in a week or so. I got lots of stuff to do, so i'll be back in a few :]

giggity giggity

2009-04-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like a school girl! i'm all giddy right now. and for what? because i saw the cute boy from one of my classes at Walmart!! and its not even near San Jose!! Lordy lordy so cute!

Beyonce - 100 single ladies

2009-04-21T23:01:00.001-07:00

How awesome is this!? lol

sustainable architecture project

2009-04-18T13:42:00.001-07:00

I've been attempting to work on this project for a few weeks now. I'm still lost as to what i should do. The assignment is to make a 3-d outdoor sign (kiosk) type thing using paper on sustainable architecture. My concept is incorporating legos as the building blocks to sustainable architecture. Any good ideas...J.T.? lol <3

Ideas for a new project

2009-04-16T12:22:00.001-07:00

We have a new project for class by creating an installation art piece on a visual pun. I can't think creatively for the life of me...lol anyone have any suggestions?

i was thinking of...
a murder of crows
an army of ants
cockpit

but i don't know if those are visual puns, visual satire, bisociation, or visual merging.

[edit]
during class i've thought of other words to play off of.
such as:
cockpit - as in a pit of penis' or maybe roosters?
cereal killer
redlight district - a district with actual red lights, not prostitutes
secondhand smoke - not cigarettes, but a secondhand on fire.
flower pot - a cooking pot with flowers in it
fairy tail - a fairy with a tail
firefly - a fly on fire
timeshare - sharing minutes/time
potbelly - a person with a pot on his belly
plastic surgery - doing procedures on plastic objects

not sure about these two though...

couch potato
bloody romance

Nothing's new!

2009-04-06T22:54:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a bit lonely lately, that's nothing new.

My two friends have been having boy problems and it makes me a bit happy that i don't have to deal with that mess too. It sucks how guy's are not up front with their feelings all the time, you would think since two guy's would understand each other better? Not at all, my friend was dating someone for three months, and he asks the boy where they're at, and the boy tells him that he's not ready for another relationship because he just got out of a six year relationship.

My other friend who's been hanging out with this guy for about a month now, he's met his family, friends but all they do is hang out at the guy's place. So he's not sure where they're going with this either.

Also hearing about other people going through break ups, bf's cheating confusing straight guys. Gay life is so complicated its like a never ending rollercoaster.

fresh fresh

2009-04-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i got my first facial. Hopefully this helps with my break outs. It was really nice and relaxing and wierd as though i was a lab rat as the student was talking to the instructor about what to do with my face. I fell asleep about 3 times within the hour that i was there.

Hello Spring...

2009-03-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

I think my Spring Break started off with a Bang. Friday went to the International Secret Agents concert in San Francisco. Then went downhill with drama with my Aunt. It started to pick up again, so overall it evened out.

This break came at the best time ever. I was overwhelmed with school, graphic design and life in general. Not that i've got my shit together fully, but i can say that it's helped me come to terms with things. I've realized that Graphic Design isn't where my heart is fully at, there are so many things i wanna dive into, which is probably why i'm not motivated or driven to do well in. The whole corporate type of work is definitely not for me, i've tried it, and its not working. I really enjoy the more hands on type of stuff, and it's always what i've wanted to do to begin with. So this summer i'll probably learn silk screening, develop my plushies and possibly do some painting.

Since there's so much i want to do or even try, thats where i've always gotten lost and confused. I have too many things i want to do that it's chaos in my mind, trying to narrow everything down to one specific thing.

Some of my friends feel as though i'm no fun anymore because i've lost interest in the club scene. I look at it is, growing up. It's the same thing every night that it isn't appealing anymore. Drinking was never anything i enjoyed and can't handle anyways. So i think those friends aren't really expanding on what we can do as friends besides hanging out at the club since i've suggested doing other things besides going out to the club.

It's like a musical

2009-03-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Lily Allen's song titled 'Fuck You' totally describes how i've been feeling these past few days, so i'm enjoying this song even more now that i can relate to it. Hope you enjoy it too :]

I'm on Spring Break

2009-03-23T11:50:00.001-07:00

Spring Break is usually supposed to be great and relaxing, it's pretty much hell for me. I'd rather be in school so i don't have to be at home all day.

I like and i also hate being Asian.

2009-03-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

I like my ethnicity there are things about my family or the culture that i hate though.

Maybe it's just my family, but from stories of other people's families as well, i find Asians to be extremely judgmental. Which is why i've always kept my friends separate from my family.

My Aunt said "Why did you choose such gay (feminine) friends? You should have normal friends."

This is why...i don't like spending time with the family, i'm pretty much a black sheep. And i'm not out to them either. I can't imagine how that would be like.

ANOTHER INCIDENT!

My aunt saw my red gingham print button up in the hamper and asked if it was my shirt.
She asked why i bought it, was it because i thought it looked nice. and then proceeded to ask why i bought a red shirt.

apparently guys aren't suppose to wear red.

she's gonna psychotic and i dont want to hear anything that comes out of her fucking mouth.

Ewwie

2009-03-17T22:49:00.001-07:00

When i was stopped at the traffic light, i saw a spider on my driver side window and i thought it was outside so i flicked it, and it was on the INSIDE!!!!! it started falling and i started to scream and try to kill it, but at the same time i was freaking out.

My shoes came in

2009-03-16T22:42:00.001-07:00

So i ordered the Men's Bass Layton shoes. I don't like them, it was hard getting my foot into the shoe, and it was a little big on me, it also felt like i was wearing girl shoes. So i'm going to return these. I'll probably end up getting oxfords, and boat shoes :]

i think

2009-03-13T15:17:00.001-07:00

i feel lost, unmotivated, confused with no passion or direction at the moment

Pizookie

2009-03-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

I was feeling bored, and decided to have dessert in the morning. This is my failed attempt at making BJ's Pizookie. The cookie hardened too quickly for me to enjoy the soft warm cookie and the cold ice cream.

I generally dislike people part 2

2009-03-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

My dad is an asshole too.

The end.

Shoes

2009-03-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

I can't decide which pair of Bass shoes i want to get, they're so different. Please share your opinions Thank you.

1. Men's Bass Layton

2. Men's Bass Larson

I generally dislike people

2009-03-04T01:05:00.000-08:00

All my life i've encountered people who do stuff towards me for no reason at all, and i'm sure it goes for everyone too, but it feels as though it's occurred to me all the time. What really pissed me off on monday was when i was on the phone with my friend, waiting at the corner to cross the street, a black guy stands next to me, and begins to mimic what i was saying while looking at me. It wasn't the fact that he copied what i said, but he copied how i speak, and he did it twice.

I just don't get why people feel the need to do something like that. If i knew the person i wouldn't really care, probably bitch them out maybe, but the reason he was a stranger and didn't know me. People are just stupid, and that is why i generally don't like people.

When i was younger, i was picked on by my cousins. I had a best friend in 3rd grade and i was ditched by him in 6th grade for a whole year and hung out with a new kid, and that whole year the new kid picked on me, stole my calculater and lied about not having it when i saw it in his desk. Then towards the end of 6th grade my best friend came back. I was picked on in middle school, and also high school.

So yea, that is why i look like a bitch or as though i'm mad, because i don't want to deal with stupid people. i know its not a great way to live, but it works for me so far. people have mentioned that i do look mad when i'm alone...there's just no reason to smile or be joyous when you're alone.

I'm not that mean, if you get to know me...well maybe a little, since it's all i've encountered.

i'm not mad anymore, just annoyed. :]

I've been a bad boy...

2009-02-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

in more ways than one. I'm really not focused at all with my Graphic Design class. Been working on my crochet instead. I havn't blogged in a while...don't really know what to say.

I went to Coyote Hills Regional Park on friday to take pictures. ~~anyone want to see those? i'll post them up if so.~~
Now people can find where the park is and stalk me if they wanted to =P

Sorry i don't have any exciting stories to provide with the photos.

I've been looking at phones online to buy, no such luck yet.
I'm also waiting for march to arrive so i can buy shoes.

I'm still alive if anyone was wondering....probably no one.

kickin' ass

2009-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

Or more like gettin my ass kicked. I'm taking a Dimensional Textiles class, so i'm doing a lot of "womanly" things. Such as Knitting, Crochet and Embroidery lol. It's actually kind of fun, just time consuming, on top of my Intermediate Graphic Design class, i am in it to win it!

I just finished my embroidery piece, it took me all day to finish the foot area. I felt like I was doing child labor, my hand hurt! Be nice please, this was my first time sewing, and i totally just winged the whole thing.

Domo-kun!

Ask a blogger, #8

2009-02-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

A fun little blogging game made up by AJ @ AJ's Ramblings. Here are the rules:

1. Blogger 1 posts a question on their blog.
2. The first person to comment on said Blogger's post needs to direct readers to their blog, and then becomes Blogger 2.
3. Blogger 2 answers Blogger 1's question on his/her own blog (so Blogger 2's blog).
4. Blogger 2 posts a question on his/her blog.
5. And then the new Blogger repeats step 1-4.

The question asked was...

What is the best physical feature of a guy and why? Please add an anecdote

The best physical feature of a guy is their smile especially when it makes their eyes squinty and their nose wrinkle up.

The Puerto Rican guy I last dated had a great smile, his eyes gleamed with every smile he gave me and his nose wrinkled upwards along with every muscle in his face struggling to hold up something so joyful, his smiling face is still etched into my memory.

Next question:

What is the best form of affection and why? Please add an anecdote.

District sleeps alone tonight

2009-02-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

I parked in front of his place, and i could see his silhouette against the porch light as he waited for me to walk towards him. It was a bit silent at first as it was the second time we've only met. The first time being extremely awkward and silent. I was shivering from the cold as I sat on his bed, while watching him put in the movie 'Seven Pounds.'

He went to shower during the first few minutes of the film as I sat there confused as to what occurred in the beginning of the film. He walked back into the room, in Pj's and we climbed under the covers to get warmed up. Arms and limbs soon began to tangle within each other as we cuddled up during the film. After a while he began to snore lightly and twitch from time to time, as I continued to stare at the television falling in and out of sleep.

He woke up when the film ended, he turned off the television, and our limbs began to intertwine again, while trying to stay warm. Sleep evidently took over us and we fell asleep while spooning.

Nightmares

2009-02-06T17:20:00.001-08:00

I had a nightmare earlier this week, it felt like a reoccurring one too.

I dreamt I was on campus at the Student Union after dark. As I was heading up to the fifth floor, I was on my way up the stairs when I saw a dark shadowy figure watching me on the next floor up. She looked like the girl from The Grudge. I immediately woke up scared to fall asleep again. Eventually sleep took over me, and I went back to sleep.

I googled for a dream interpretation and looked up shadows and dark figures. The symbol of the figure was a lurking problem I had to deal with, since I dreamt I was at school, it meant that I was stressing out about the fact that I was not have enough units to be a full time student. But alas that problem is dealt with, so hopefully she doesn't come haunting me again, because it really scared me.

If only I had someone to cuddle with to protect me hahah NOT!

Cuddly warmth

2009-02-01T16:33:00.000-08:00

JT picked me up on friday at 10 pm, he arrived on time and we headed down to San Jose for Hunters and also picked his friend up along the way. We went straight to the bar when we got to the club. I nursed on a Midori Sour for a while because the bartender made my drink too strong, and I had a good buzz going for half the night.

We ended up spending most of the night with JT's friends. It was a bit awkward since i'm so introverted when it comes to social gatherings, especially without my friends.

Later on during the night, JT kissed one of the guys there and kissed him again before we left. He asked if I was mad, and I said no because I had no reason to be mad about that.

Durng the drive home, JT was still buzzing and all I could do was hope we got home safely. He asked me again if I was mad at him and i said no, but I told him he was going to clean his mouth out when we got back to his place.

We arrived safely back at his place, washed up and got ready for bed.

We cuddled up under the covers and kept each other warm during the night.

The cuddling was much needed, as I was feeling kinda lonely during the week.

Something random

2009-01-30T10:34:00.000-08:00

I always thought I never snored. But the other night i heard myself snore, and woke up confused.

I had two dreams earlier this morning, it was special Halloween episodes of Will & Grace that never aired. Only I got to see them...in my head.

blblblblblblblbl

2009-01-29T17:29:00.000-08:00

Watch as David Choi and his friends go crazy lmao!!

Year of the Ox

2009-01-26T18:43:00.000-08:00

I just read up on an overview for my chinese astrological sign the tiger. It said i would face a few challenges this year and will have to focus my time into stuff. It seems about right, i'm taking intermediate graphic design, and it's something i need to focus on, improve and do well in, so i can hopefully get into the BFA graphic design program.

The overview also said that i would encounter stress and i know where all the stress will come from. I should also watch my spending habits this year.

A positive thing is, I would have a good year when it comes to relationships, and i'm hoping it comes true. if not oh well, i have other things to focus on.

Spring fashion

2009-01-20T18:35:00.000-08:00

As Spring is coming closer and closer, i'm starting to attempt to dress for the season. I've been using my GQ magazine, websites and friend's tips or whatever on the latest things for this coming up season.

I went shopping last week with my friend in San Francisco and got some things I was searching for. I bought a red/white gingham print shirt and a grey vest hoodie at H&M. I'm almost ready for spring, I ordered a faux-leather jacket, hopefully it fits me. I'm still on the look out for Sperry's, ~~Wingtip shoes~~ (nevermind, didn't realize Wingtips were so expensive) or something along that line to wear when it rains and also a trench coat.

Random Gmail chat

2009-01-13T13:38:00.000-08:00

me: wtf...my chest hurts
like i have gas or something
heart burn?
K: hahaha
   i think thats it
me: ew
K: hahaha
   tums
   tum tum tum tum
me: lol
K: HAHAHA
   or pepcid AC
   ur not supposed to have heart burn
   you're asian
   u aint white
me: lol
K: maybe your heart is burning for white boy
   HAHAHAHA
me: ew
K: dont ew
   u want him
   he's mature
   funny
   good looking
me: hhaha that's the cheesiest thing ever
K: and holds you tight
   when he sleeps
me: no he actually doesn't hold me tight
K: for fear he'd suffocate you thats why
me: lol!
K: but he holds you (once in a while)
me: you sound like you were watching or something
K: i know how these things work
   when you sleep together
   you dont just turn away from each other
   the whole night and sleep thats for when you're 40

My heart's a mess

2009-01-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

"You're cute when you're asleep"
I miss looking over and seeing him sleeping.

I'm trying to be as optimistic as possible, at least the guy is responding to my text messages i'm smiling like a school girl again.

Wrong guy

2009-01-10T21:54:00.000-08:00

The strangest thing happened today, and i hope i clearly write it up, because it's all confusing to me too. This morning i received a text message from someone...

"How is it going"

I was confused because I didn't recognize the number. So i texted back...

"Going good. Who is this btw sorry don't recognize this number"
"*insert name here* a4a we chat b4"

My mind immediately goes to JT the guy I went on a date with, who I saw at the club, and later told me he had a boyfriend now.

"Oh yea sorry. whats up"
"bored"
"lol i see. i'm still in bed so tired"
"2morow is ok u relax n take it easy text me your profile name again"
"tomorrow is ok? what's tomorrow? i'm confused"
"if u wanna meet?"
"What happened to the bf"
"Single not looking u"
"What did you want to do?"
--no response so i text again--
"Just confused, what happened? are you ok?"
"hm is you ok?"
--
"Yeah when can we meet? where are you?"
"Im in SJ right now. Maybe later?"
"Ok see you soon"
"Okay, What did you want to do?"
"Anything safe"

His response back, had me even more confused because I thought he had a boyfriend, and there was no way I was gonna mess around with him after what happened the first time.

"Lol hang out? watch a movie? idk"
"Any kind"
"Okay, where shall we meet?"

So the rest of the messages I kept thinking it was the JT i went on a date with.

Later after running my quick errands, i decided to call him, since he was slow in responding back. JT answers after several rings...

"Hey...Whats up?"
"Nothing, just finished some errands, what about you?"
"blah blah blah"
"Do you still want to hang out?"
"Sure...."

blah blah blah

"Can you text me directions from SJ to your place"

So we hung out today, nothing out of the ordinary. I arrived at his place, and then he told me we're gonna go to the Silicon Valley Auto show, and I was JUST in SJ.

After the show, we were hungry so we went to this Indian Buffet. On the car ride we just talked about guys and guy issues.
During dinner we talked, and he brought this up in the conversation...

"I didn't think i'd hear from you again?"
"Why?"
"Because I thought you were mad at me, when I told you I have a Boyfriend now"
"Oh...I was...but i'm over it now"

Then this is when the conversation starts getting wierd...

I told him that he texted me this morning, and he argues his point and said that he never texted me today and that he was surprised I was calling him and wasn't sure if he wanted to answer the phone, which is why it took him so long to answer it.

So I checked my phone and I realized that I had two guys with the same name in my phone, and I made a silly mistake and I immediately changed one of the guy's names so that won't happen again.

The night ended up being wierd, funny, and interesting.

We ended the night back at his place, finished up the movie MAMA MIA and then I left afterwards.

So i accidently flaked on this other guy without knowing it. But my day went rather well anyways, and JT didn't seem to mind at all, he even thought it was funny.

I had a weird random dream

2009-01-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

I was invited to a dinner by someone I don't really know and Jin (tha mc) was invited too. I rode my bike to the guy's house to change. I rode by his place several times, before I went up to his floor. I walked by his place, noticing his front door was open, I walked by several times again, each time i didn't get a glimpse of him. The next time I walked by I saw my friend's little cousin.

"You can come in and change." She replied.

The guy appeared, and didn't look too happy to see me. But he said I can change but I had to leave. His apartment looked completely different than how it really does appear. The complex looks rundown, his actual apartment has a different set up. His bed was now in the living room, when i walked into his bedroom, the door couldn't close because there was 4-5 twin sized beds and two guys were sleeping. The guy was mad because I could have woken them up. So I quickly got dressed, thanked him and left.

On the way to lunch I received a text message from Jin

"I can go :(" (don't know why he added the sad face though)

I went to get clams and oysters for lunch and i rode my bike across the street struggling with a plate of rolling clams and oysters. I had to jump off my bike to save my lunch, which caused one of my clams to fall to the ground. I ran across the street, and forgot my bike on the other side. When I was waiting to cross the street to get my bike, I saw a black guy pick it up, and rode it across the street and rode off with it. I saw another guy on a bike go after him. Then I start running after him, and I the only way I could stop him was throw my food at him. So i'm running and throwing my clams and oysters at the guy who stole my bike, and I've only missed him by a few inches, when he finally decides to stop. The black guy was surprised I chased after him.

"Are you going to keep your hair short, or grow it out like me?" (the black guy asked me)
"Keep it short"

The guy that chased after the black guy came over, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. I looked up and he looked like the guy I wrote about in my last two entries, only he had his ears pierced.

"I'll give you a call after dinner" I told him before I rode off with my bike.

I worry

2009-01-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

for nothing. I texted the guy earlier today, and he replied back.

I really am a woman in that sense, according to my friend.

"I texted him Saturday, and he hasn't texted me back. So it's his turn to text me."
"You know, you're like a female. Only girls do that."
"Yeah i guess, but i'm trying not to be clingy, I'll give it a few days and text him again"

I'm a Cancer, and i really am what a Cancer is described to be. I'm emotional, i hide in my shell, the cancer is a water sign and it is a feminine energy.

I worry too much, my gut lied to me this time and i was prepared to move on and be okay like I always am.

We'll just have to see how things go.

There's this guy

2009-01-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

I been hanging out with for about 3 months now. It's usually unplanned, and we usually just text each other back and forth, and sometimes he'll ask me if i want to come over. He works late and gets off work at 1:30am and gets home by 2:00 am.

It was early friday morning, and i arrived at his place a little before 2.
As I was walking to the front door, I see him walking out, with his dog, doing the usual routine of taking the dog out to do it's business.

There was some small talk as usual...

"Hey"
"Hey..."
"How was work?"
"blah blah blah"

silence...

Afterwards we went inside, up the elevator, down the hall to his apartment.
I took off my shoes as usual, and went straight to his bedroom to set my stuff down.

We hung out as usual...watched tv, made small talk, then went to bed...

This time was different though...

"What have you been doing on break?"
"Nothing, just hanging out, i've been running though."
"Yea, i need to start on that too..."
blah blah blah
"I need to start studying graphic design"
"I been meaning to read more too."

I sat on his bed waiting, not sure what he had planned. After he got out of the bathroom, he walked into the living room, and started his laptop up.

So i sat next to him...

"I'm gonna finish up this episode of Inuyasha"
"Okay, it finally finished downloading?"
blah blah blah...

"Do you watch this?"
"No"

He began to explain to me about the characters...

we watched the rest of the episode, and as i looked around his apartment i noticed something new, leaning against a wall.
He had a Family Guy poster now, but i never brought that up.

It was silent for the most part while he finished watching his anime...
once it was finished...

"Lets go to bed"
"okay"

I didn't even say good night this time...
we both climbed into bed and a few minutes pass, until he puts his arm around me, and i try to get closer to him. After awhile, he lets go, and gets comfortable as he tried to go to sleep, and so did i.

The next morning, he rolled over to my side, and he rubbed my stomach.

He got out of bed, got dressed and went out into the living room.
It was about 12:00 in the afternoon by then.

I took that as my queue, i changed into my jeans, went to wash up, grab my things and headed outside.
He came over to me, as i said Bye.

We hugged...

"Drive safely"
"okay, have a good day"

I texted him the next day...(Saturday)
"Hey, it was good seeing you, have a good day"

no reply yet...i hope this won't be the last time i see him.

Sometimes i get these feelings, that tell me things...maybe they tell me a little too late though.
I should try and communicate with him more, if i have the chance to see him again that is.

Those feelings...lead to my dream i had this morning...

It didn't take place at his place...not sure where...because he only has one bedroom. But i was there, and i found a lot of stuff that i forgot, my jeans, phone etc. and he was showing me these stuffed animals for some reason...

Flashbacks

2008-12-29T15:36:00.001-08:00

As I was driving home last night, I began to have flashbacks of the guy I once dated over the summer. I saw his face and as he smiled his eyes got squinty, it was just as clear as if i just saw him earlier. Then i started to hear his voice, he had an accent that made me think of Boston. I still miss him, and think of him from time to time. I wish things didn't end the way it did. It makes me wonder why we invest so much time into another person and then within a split second, you may never see them again, leaving footprints of their existence in your memory.

Christmas is early

2008-12-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

It feels like Christmas as of RIGHT NOW, so much just arrived to me within the span of five minutes. My dad got the mail, and handed me a package and a envelope, with the familiar label with my name on it. The package was my Far*East Movement Animal album, and the self addressed envelope contained my 105 evaluation letter. I got in to 105 but just barely, my development at this stage are mixed results and i need to work hard to improve. I just checked my grades and the 3 classes i was worried about, i no longer have to worry because i passed them all! yay!

AAS 33A = B-
DSGD 176A = B
NUFS163 = C-

still waiting on two more classes, but i'm sure i did well on those two.

happy time!?

2008-12-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

now the holiday season is supposed to be about happy blah blah whatever blah blah. i think of the holidays as a time for people to get on everyone's nerve and piss people off. i hate going holiday shopping because there's too many people, they get in your way its pretty much a war zone at the mall. people are inconsiderate and don't care about the people around them but themselves and their shopping list.

and also family....they always seem to have something negative to say about anything. or they compare their perfect children to their families "non" perfect children. such bull...we and they all know that no one is perfect.

today i was in line behind this older guy to get something printed, and this dude comes in, and walks directly to the printing area and immediately gets help by this chick bitch. so i waited for 10 minutes, and by the time it was finally my turn, they didn't have the right paper i need after i have called in asking about it 5 minutes before i left my house.

i don't like the holidays, besides the fact that i have a nice long break from school, chill with my friends and family i suppose and just chill. xmas music is annoying, makes me want to cut myself

that is all, happy holidays lol.

i'll leave you all with this