Monday, April 26, 2010


As we approached Mike's place, i stopped the car and eventually my friend and Mike woke up from their slumber. The friend heads off home, as Mike and I tread up the stairs so I can retrieve my keys. Mike offered me to stay the night if i wanted to, since we had beach plans followed by more clubbing the next day. I was conflicted whether or not I should stay over. I wouldn't have to drive home late, wake up early, pay toll AGAIN. But i'll have my own bed, and my own clothes.

I decided to stay and he exclaimed that he wouldn't do anything to me that night. As i climbed into his bed he asked if we can spoon, and i gave him access to move in closer. He began to wrap his arms around me, as i put my arm on top of his. I couldn't help but feel his body against mine and his breath against my neck as he held me firmly in his arms it felt surreal to be so close to him once again. We ended up kissing later on and continued to spoon through out the night 'til the sun rose from its own slumber.

He's got me on a rollercoaster

Friday Night at the club left me very confused, as Mike bumped into Jack. I started feeling a bit jealous as Mike was tipsy and hanging on to Jack. One of our friends persistently pushed them two together and i couldn't bear to watch any longer on the sidelines so i did my best to avoid seeing them together. Not only that the music was playing Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart, and some other tracks i can't remember. Hearing songs that related to how i felt or fear made things worse and i felt the rush of emotions building up inside me and tears building up to erupt from my tear ducts. I had to evidently go outside to avoid the music, the heat and the sight of Mike with Jack. Even then i couldn't get him off my mind, knowing he's MIA with Jack made me sad during the latter part of the night.

I know we can't fully be affectionate towards each other knowing we have mutual friends as well as with his ex. I still can't help to feel jealous in the fact that he's so upfront with his actions with Jack, and not with me. Maybe it's all in my head, but most of the time i can read people's actions really well. I might be blinded by my like towards Mike. I don't want to be his rebound, i want to eventually be his partner in crime.

I ended up driving a friend's car since him and Mike were still tipsy. I couldn't help but glance in the rear view mirror and seeing him on his iphone then later knocked out in the backseat.

To Be Continued...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I bruised my knees for him

I never thought i'd be one to fall for a friend, then after a group trip to the snow we'll call him Mike, tells me he has developed feelings for me. Which seems fine right? The thing is he has a boyfriend. Out of respect for my friendship with Mike and his relationship i never said anything until he told me how he felt.

Somehow things started falling into place in my favor. I found out Mike had broken up with his boyfriend. After some relaxation at the park and some special truffles (my first time) we end up at our friends place after feeling the downside of it. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing for a little bit until one of the more sober ones came in to check on me. Later on, after we ate at the table Mike confessed that he likes Jack, i didn't respond to his confession. The four of us ended up on the sober friend's bed and we snuggled against each other. I couldn't help but smile knowing i was the one with my arms around Mike.

While the event allowed me and Mike to get closer, i have a hunch that nothing else will occur. Let's just say a social network told me something I probably didn't want to find out.

Just when I thought something good will finally happen, it might be taken away in an instant. So much badluck this year.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Being Shy

Sometimes i wonder why i let my shyness take over and stop me from doing something. Then afterwards i kind of regret not going forth and overcoming it.

Yesterday at a house warming two guys were interested in me, but my shyness overcame my mind and i was scared to even just sit down and get to know them. Which in their point of view it can seem as though i’m not interested, rejected.

I think I need to try harder to overcome this shyness and go forth on endeavors that send my shy signals up the roof.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I left my heart in LA

Looks like i've been busy and i really have been. Spring break was last week i got an early start and boarded a plane to LA for a week. It was a nice change of scenery and people. When i was there i couldn't believe i was there probably because the flight was only an hour. It was exciting for me since it's the first time in a long time since i've flown on a plane as well as going on a trip alone.

I wish i was able to leave my troubles behind but i ended up bringing it with me. My laptop gave out on me, adobe died as well. I finally just did a clean install of my OS system and now Adobe works again and i havn't worked on my project at all. I'm ready for May to come so i can graduate and get things started.