Thursday, November 18, 2010


Whoops sorry about the hiatus. Just tired of complaining about boy troubles. FYI its still the same shit since september except he knows how i truly feel. But i should not let a boy stop me from doing what i do.

I'm thinking of forming a new blog strictly for creative thoughts, work, and the joys that come to our life. Fashion, art, visual orgasms. That sounds like polar opposites from this blog. Sorry for such depressing entries

P.S. if anyone has Tumblr come follow me at


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Holding my tongue.

Earlier my friend (Mike) felt the need to get something off his chest and was honest with me, telling me how he never had feelings for two people at the same time before. He says we have a connection and our personalities mesh well whereas him and his boyfriend have a personality clash. From what i know this is the 2nd break up they've had so far and now back together again, this time not the boyfriends fault though. But i still wonder how many times it's going to take for him to realize it. In my previous posts i said i'm not waiting for him, it sure feels like it. I did really we suppressing my feelings for him, and i have to suppress them once more. I've never had this strong of feelings for someone before, never thought i'd ever fall for my good friend or someone who's in a relationship.

I purposely held my tongue today in the car because i don't want to confuse him, he's torn as it is and i dont want to make it worse. I love him, and i care a lot about him but first and for most he's my friend so i'm going to be there for when he needs a hand or an ear. I was able to push my feelings aside before, is it possible to do it again and hope it won't occur again to where i'll have to suppress my feelings for the third time? i hope not...i don't know if i should tell him how i feel or not.

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Thursday, August 26, 2010


Eternal Summer really hits the spot for me, i can relate to it on so many different levels. It just really explains how i feel at the moment, lost, confused, in love or like with my good friend.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Some Good, Some Bad, Some Unknown

I thought i graduated as of May 2010. Turns out i didn't complete a required class, so it looks like i haven't graduated yet. This class will continue to haunt me until i complete it. I really don't understand why math is such an important class to take when i have already dipped my feet into my work field. Graphic Design and Photography has no need for math so i'm pretty much wasting my time re-taking it even though i do need the class.

I met a new boy that i'm intrigued by. We physically flirt with each other but who knows where that'll take it. At least i have someone new to flirt with for now. I shouldn't think too much into it but i like him.

Searching for jobs is scary and sometimes i feel as though i'm not good enough i need to just plow through that feeling and just try?

My birthday was last week, t'was very fun. Had dinner at cheesecake factory on my actual bday had tons of cake. The next day went to the usual club and maybe had a bit too much to drink, mixing beer + vodka NOT a good thing ended up leaving early. I think a lot of the times i got fucked up was on my birthday. Then Saturday i had dinner with some friends at a French restaurant followed by beer + bowling. As the night went on some of our bowling abilities got better with more beer.

Some people also bitched about not being invited or being uninvited. Theres just too many people to invite now that i dont know who to invite who not to invite. so i just only invited my closest friends and the ones that did respond to my invites. Maybe next year i wont plan my bday events then. So many people flaked i had to change amount of guests on my reservations so many times. All and all t'was fun though.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Friend

It was nice to feel that connection with him again, even though it was for that short period of time. At least i know there's still a possibility. Not that i'm waiting for him or anything.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm the best he never had

Just found out today from Mike that he's kinda back with the bf. i figured because the stupid bf can't stop commenting on Mike's status posts, it's vomit inducing! i ended up being the rebound. i just sent him an email giving him my two cents, he wasted my feelings emotions and time, it's time for me to move on. I thought he was actually a good guy but he turned out to be just one of the guys. stupid stupid me, i need to stop, and focus all my attention on art, school, and my future, with or without a partner in crime!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Talk

My emotions were going haywire after Friday night at the club, it really messed me up seeing Mike all over Jack. It bothered me for several days 'til I talked to a few friends about the issue. They helped me put things into perspective and i really needed to focus on school first. So I decided to tell Mike how I felt about the events that occurred Friday and he was really understanding.

Me: Did you go on a date with Jack?
Mike: How did you know about that?
Me: I heard someone mention it last time.
Mike: Oh...I went out to dinner with him (blah blah blah)
Me: How was it?
Mike: He turns out to be psycho, even for me lol

Monday, April 26, 2010


As we approached Mike's place, i stopped the car and eventually my friend and Mike woke up from their slumber. The friend heads off home, as Mike and I tread up the stairs so I can retrieve my keys. Mike offered me to stay the night if i wanted to, since we had beach plans followed by more clubbing the next day. I was conflicted whether or not I should stay over. I wouldn't have to drive home late, wake up early, pay toll AGAIN. But i'll have my own bed, and my own clothes.

I decided to stay and he exclaimed that he wouldn't do anything to me that night. As i climbed into his bed he asked if we can spoon, and i gave him access to move in closer. He began to wrap his arms around me, as i put my arm on top of his. I couldn't help but feel his body against mine and his breath against my neck as he held me firmly in his arms it felt surreal to be so close to him once again. We ended up kissing later on and continued to spoon through out the night 'til the sun rose from its own slumber.

He's got me on a rollercoaster

Friday Night at the club left me very confused, as Mike bumped into Jack. I started feeling a bit jealous as Mike was tipsy and hanging on to Jack. One of our friends persistently pushed them two together and i couldn't bear to watch any longer on the sidelines so i did my best to avoid seeing them together. Not only that the music was playing Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart, and some other tracks i can't remember. Hearing songs that related to how i felt or fear made things worse and i felt the rush of emotions building up inside me and tears building up to erupt from my tear ducts. I had to evidently go outside to avoid the music, the heat and the sight of Mike with Jack. Even then i couldn't get him off my mind, knowing he's MIA with Jack made me sad during the latter part of the night.

I know we can't fully be affectionate towards each other knowing we have mutual friends as well as with his ex. I still can't help to feel jealous in the fact that he's so upfront with his actions with Jack, and not with me. Maybe it's all in my head, but most of the time i can read people's actions really well. I might be blinded by my like towards Mike. I don't want to be his rebound, i want to eventually be his partner in crime.

I ended up driving a friend's car since him and Mike were still tipsy. I couldn't help but glance in the rear view mirror and seeing him on his iphone then later knocked out in the backseat.

To Be Continued...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I bruised my knees for him

I never thought i'd be one to fall for a friend, then after a group trip to the snow we'll call him Mike, tells me he has developed feelings for me. Which seems fine right? The thing is he has a boyfriend. Out of respect for my friendship with Mike and his relationship i never said anything until he told me how he felt.

Somehow things started falling into place in my favor. I found out Mike had broken up with his boyfriend. After some relaxation at the park and some special truffles (my first time) we end up at our friends place after feeling the downside of it. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing for a little bit until one of the more sober ones came in to check on me. Later on, after we ate at the table Mike confessed that he likes Jack, i didn't respond to his confession. The four of us ended up on the sober friend's bed and we snuggled against each other. I couldn't help but smile knowing i was the one with my arms around Mike.

While the event allowed me and Mike to get closer, i have a hunch that nothing else will occur. Let's just say a social network told me something I probably didn't want to find out.

Just when I thought something good will finally happen, it might be taken away in an instant. So much badluck this year.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Being Shy

Sometimes i wonder why i let my shyness take over and stop me from doing something. Then afterwards i kind of regret not going forth and overcoming it.

Yesterday at a house warming two guys were interested in me, but my shyness overcame my mind and i was scared to even just sit down and get to know them. Which in their point of view it can seem as though i’m not interested, rejected.

I think I need to try harder to overcome this shyness and go forth on endeavors that send my shy signals up the roof.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I left my heart in LA

Looks like i've been busy and i really have been. Spring break was last week i got an early start and boarded a plane to LA for a week. It was a nice change of scenery and people. When i was there i couldn't believe i was there probably because the flight was only an hour. It was exciting for me since it's the first time in a long time since i've flown on a plane as well as going on a trip alone.

I wish i was able to leave my troubles behind but i ended up bringing it with me. My laptop gave out on me, adobe died as well. I finally just did a clean install of my OS system and now Adobe works again and i havn't worked on my project at all. I'm ready for May to come so i can graduate and get things started.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Self Branding logo concepts.

I would love to hear which logo people prefer and/or feedback on them. Thanks in advance.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Somewhere i have never travelled

by E.E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Whats new?

It's 2010 lol, winter break is finally over. My sleep schedule is so out of wack, i became a vamp staying up 'til 5 am every night watching true blood. Such a great show, i can't wait for season 3 to come in june.

Went snowboarding last weekend. It was really fun, it was snowing during that weekend too so it was nice and powdery. Made for a few great runs down the bunny slopes. I definitely improved a bit more than the first time i went 2 years ago.

I went to my second Underworld. I didn't think i would go clubbing in my underwear again, but i did. It was pretty fun, despite the music sounding like the same thing playing on repeat. So this is how go go dancers feel like dancing in their underwear on platforms minus getting paid and groped. Along with a thick layer of sweat ewww! it was really hot in there and not because there was hot guys there. There weren't really that many anyways.

Now back to the dreariness of school, oh how i don't miss you. I have an 830 class and now i am reminded of how much i hate morning classes. My brain doesn't jump start until about 10:30 am.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

You once told me that you’re a private person especially when it comes to sex. But how can i believe you when everything that comes out of your mouth is how big your shit is. Is that all you have to brag about? Seems like it. I’m glad it’s over.