Saturday, August 30, 2008


I feel the need to go somewhere for a few days....i should have planned something for this weekend. Too late i guess. Just need to get out of these familiar places for a bit...

Friday, August 29, 2008


Good friends help make my days seem better. Even if i don't see them, i manage to be entertained or at least kept busy through texts or phone calls. Friends help make boring regular old school more fun or at least more enjoyable.

Thursday night, i went to see a private screening of the movie "Sex Drive" it was still in it's editing phase, but the movie was great. It was funny, had a good story line and not just a typical sex movie. I actually learned something from the movie...or atleast something i didn't know about.

Later on, i went to my friends place, we just chilled had a drink or two played cards on the balcony, just really chill. Good way to spend the warm night, drinking and playing games, acting like fools and we're still okay. Card games are fun, especially when you're slightly intoxicated or heavily intoxicated, however you like your intoxication levels.

It's fucking hot, and school is the usual shit, so i dont bother posting about it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Trailing along...

I talked to him on Thursday (the boy). He messaged me with a sad face. Because he saw the Youtube Music Video i posted on my Downelink.

He said he's sorry if he has hurt me, he's truly sorry.
He said he was crying because the song was so real.
The music video was 'Almost Lovers by A Fine Frenzy.'
He said he can't move on unless I forgive him, wtf do i say to that?
So i said I forgive you can move on.
He wanted to be honest with me, and told me he was talking to someone new.
So i was honest with him, and told him i didn't understand how he can talk to someone new if he can't even trust me.
His answer was...he doesn't trust anyone. Fine for me, at least i don't have to deal with that anymore, but it still hurts to know that he can see someone new when it's only been 2-3 weeks since we "broke up" or whatever you call it.
It's as though i didn't mean anything to him at all.
I just want to be friends nothing else. Whatever happens, happens i guess.

Now I just need to work on myself...somehow... Not sure how i will do that but i really just need to do this for me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

So Much Thinking!!

Even though things didn't work out with the boy, at least I know that I still have the ability to open up to someone, care for them and develop feelings for, no matter how rough things have occurred in life; I know that I can still do the same with someone new one day...

Monday, August 18, 2008

destined for...

So much disappointment has come into my though i'm destined to never be happy. I get a sample of it and somehow things never go the right way. I need to be stronger then this...i can't let things get me down...but if i do that...i'll just be a bitch.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dreaming Out Loud

I had a dream earlier today of the boy i was dating. I only remember spending time with him in San Francisco and having a good time. We had planned to visit San Francisco before all the problems came we never got to do that. I guess it is telling me that I was really looking forward to showing him around SF, and I really was, but I don't know anymore.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Find Yourself

I did this test that only takes a few seconds to generate. visit

You are striving to make favourable impressions all of the time and you are going out of your way to make the impression that you are something special. You are constantly on the watch to see how your friends and neighbours are reacting to your various ploys. But this is so unnecessary because most of the time you are in control of the situation - and you are, in the nicest sense of the word, a 'manipulator' because you use various strategies very cleverly in order to influence and obtain the necessary recognition.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

Everything seems to have gone wrong and the situation at this time is such that you are not quite sure which way to turn. So it would appear that you are 'holding back', re-consolidating your position and relinquishing all fun and games for the time being.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them.

Friday, August 8, 2008


I called [insert store name] and asked to speak to [name] and the bitch that answered told me to hold. 5 minutes later someone answers and asks if i was helped i said no, she said hold on. 20 minutes later, i get NOTHING. So i hang up...and call again, to finally get [name] on the phone, and she says "Can i call you back in a few hours, we're blah blah blah." The first bitch could have told me that earlier, instead of having me waste my fucking minutes and sit here like i have nothing to do.

Do i even want to work for this shithole of a store if the employes aren't even gonna tell me the customer that she's busy and have me call back?

Fuckers! everyone is pissing me off hahahah
He said i was young, and stupid.
Because he is older, he's been through it and thinks he knows the shit i'm doing.
When he's just looking for trouble and thinking i'm the trouble maker.
So much for the month we had together.
That one stupid incident was more important than each other.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Best You Never Had

Guys really are dumb fucks! Don't tell me you really like me than go around messing with some other dude. Then ignore me for a week and then text me and ask how i'm doing. Then you tell me you did something bad...i think...YOU THINK! wtf crap is this. I knew it at the time i couldn't trust you, and knew that some shit was going down.

You don't tell me you think you did something bad, and i ask what...then say "i'll tell you later" THEN you don't even tell me. It's been a day lmao.

I'm the bitch who didn't get no sleep making up all these crazy ass scenarios about wtf you did that was so bad.

I'm messed up, and so are these other dumbfucks who call themselves men, when they can't even man up, grow some damn balls and tell me straight up wtf they did.

No wonder all of them are whoring around, because there's no use in trying to maintain a damn relationship. Mind as well just fuck around until their energizer battery runs out, or break a fucking hip.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

My fucking phone has shit for reception
and i hate talking on the phone, it's like talking to a wall...that responds back.

** EDIT **
This song pretty much sums up how i feel at the moment with my current situation of mystery.


Monday, August 4, 2008


Lately, I haven't had the urge to really eat. Especially today...
and feeling extremely lonely...with no one to cuddle with...