Thursday, July 17, 2008


i feel as though i've hit a rut once again. Once in awhile I would feel guilty for spending money or just feel the need to just hide out for awhile mostly because of finance. I'm unemployed since I go to school full time but since it's summer i been trying to find a job, maybe not hard enough. But I also stopped asking my parents for money because of the guilt.

Since the rise of tuition fees had to be due it made my rut even worse since it is much more expensive then previous years. I might be paranoid but i feel as though i'm having financial issues and the fact that my father isn't helping my mother out with my tuition clarifies my relationship with him. Some people if not none knows that I don't really talk to my father, even though we live in the same house. I just never liked him, for the way he acts or for whatever reasons i don't think i know. I might, maybe i just don't feel like spilling it out on a blog. From what my sister had said earlier today made me paranoid about the future and if my father/mother continues the path their on.

I really need to provide for myself, i don't like asking my mother for money. I sometimes don't like hanging out with my friends because i don't know where all my money goes when i'm out with them or how my friends think money shouldn't be a reason as to what i can or cannot do. Just because they work doesn't mean i have to spend the same amount as they do. Or if they like doing something doesn't mean i will like it too. My friend seems to always do that, and then get mad at me for choosing not to do it. At least i'm there, i don't need to pay to do something, i can just watch and still enjoy it if not at all.

I hate having to deal with financial issues, and it seems like it's always something in the back of my head and will always be this way.

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